If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

Last time, we talked about what boundaries actually are.

We explored the idea that healthy boundaries help us understand what belongs to us, what belongs to someone else, and where responsibility begins and ends.

For many people, that concept makes sense.

The challenge is actually putting it into practice.

Because if boundaries are so healthy, why do they feel so difficult?

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

Imagine this.

Someone asks you for a favor.

You immediately know you don’t have the time, energy, or capacity to do it.

And yet, before you’ve even thought it through, you hear yourself saying:

“Sure.”

Then later:

• you’re stressed

• you’re frustrated

• you’re exhausted

• and you’re wondering why you agreed in the first place

Most people have experienced some version of this.

When boundaries feel difficult, it is often not because we don’t understand them.

It’s because boundaries frequently bump into deeper fears.

For some people, the fear is conflict.

For others, it’s rejection.

For others, it’s guilt.

Many people who identify as “people pleasers” are not actually trying to manipulate anyone or make everyone happy all the time.

More often, people-pleasing begins as a way of maintaining connection, reducing tension, or protecting relationships.

At some point in life, being agreeable may have felt safer than disappointing someone.

Being helpful may have felt safer than saying no.

Keeping the peace may have felt safer than expressing a need.

Over time, those patterns can become automatic.

The challenge is that people-pleasing often comes with an unspoken belief:

“If someone is disappointed, upset, or frustrated, I must have done something wrong.”

But disappointment is not the same thing as harm.

Someone can be disappointed and still be okay.

Someone can disagree with your boundary and still respect you.

Someone can wish you had said yes and still value the relationship.

One of the most important lessons in boundary work is learning that another person’s emotional reaction does not automatically mean you made the wrong decision.

In fact, healthy boundaries sometimes create temporary discomfort.

That doesn’t make them unhealthy.

It often means something is changing.

The Difference Between Kindness and People-Pleasing

This distinction can be helpful.

Kindness says:

“I care about you.”

People-pleasing often says:

“I am responsible for how you feel.”

Kindness comes from choice.

People-pleasing often comes from fear.

Kindness can include saying yes.

But it can also include saying no.

Healthy boundaries do not require you to stop being caring, generous, or compassionate.

They simply allow those things to come from intention rather than obligation.

Skill of the Week: Notice the Guilt

Try this once this week.

The next time you set a limit, say no, ask for something you need, or disappoint someone in a small way, pay attention to what happens inside you.

Notice:

• What thoughts show up?

• What feelings show up?

• What story do you tell yourself?

You might hear things like:

“They’ll be upset with me.”

“I’m being selfish.”

“I should just do it.”

Rather than immediately believing those thoughts, simply notice them.

Then ask yourself:

“Did I do something wrong... or am I just feeling uncomfortable?”

Those are not always the same thing.

Sometimes guilt is a signal that we’ve violated one of our values.

But sometimes guilt is simply the feeling that comes from doing something new.

Learning the difference takes practice.

Be patient with yourself this week.

If boundaries feel difficult, it doesn’t mean you’re doing them wrong.

It may simply mean you’re learning a different way of relating to yourself and others.

Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this new series, we’re exploring the topic of boundaries—drawing from ideas found in Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, along with concepts commonly explored in counseling and emotional health work.

Boundaries are one of those topics that almost everyone struggles with at some point.

And yet, many people were never really taught what healthy boundaries actually are.

So this week, we’re starting there.

What Boundaries Actually Are

When people hear the word “boundaries,” they sometimes imagine something harsh.

Walls.
Distance.
Coldness.
Pushing people away.

But healthy boundaries are not about shutting people out.

They are about understanding:

• what belongs to you

• what belongs to someone else

• and where those lines begin to blur

At their core, boundaries help define responsibility.

For example:

• your thoughts are yours

• your emotions are yours

• your choices are yours

And in the same way:

• another person’s emotions are theirs

• their reactions are theirs

• their choices are theirs

That doesn’t mean we stop caring about each other.

It means we learn the difference between:
👉 caring about someone
and
👉 carrying things that do not fully belong to us

Without boundaries, people often begin living in a constant state of emotional over-responsibility.

They may feel responsible for:

• keeping everyone happy

• preventing conflict

• fixing other people’s emotions

• managing everyone else’s comfort

• or avoiding disappointing others at all costs

Over time, this can lead to:

• resentment

• burnout

• anxiety

• emotional exhaustion

• or losing touch with your own needs entirely

Healthy boundaries are not selfish.

In many cases, they actually make healthier relationships possible.

Because boundaries create clarity.

They help people know:

• what is okay

• what is not okay

• what you are responsible for

• and what you are not responsible for

And perhaps most importantly:

Boundaries allow people to stay connected without losing themselves in the process.

Skill of the Week: Notice Where You Feel Responsible

Try this once this week.

Pay attention to moments where you feel emotionally responsible for someone else’s reactions, feelings, or comfort.

For example:

• feeling guilty for saying no

• feeling responsible when someone is disappointed

• feeling pressure to “fix” someone else’s mood

• or feeling anxious when someone else is upset

When you notice it, pause and ask yourself:

“Is this something I should care about…
or something I am trying to control?”

Sometimes the answer may genuinely involve care, support, or accountability.

But other times, you may notice that you are carrying emotional responsibility that does not fully belong to you.

Awareness is often the first step toward healthier boundaries.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored:

• why the mind loops

• how anxiety reinforces itself

• thought spirals

• uncertainty

• and how anxiety shows up physically in the body

This week, we’re bringing those ideas together.

Because once we begin understanding the cycle, an important question naturally follows:

“How do I start changing it?”

Breaking the Cycle

One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is that it can feel automatic.

A thought appears.
Your body reacts.
Your mind starts trying to solve the discomfort.
And before long, you feel pulled into the same patterns again.

After enough repetition, these responses can start feeling almost immediate.

Automatic.

Like your brain and body skip straight to anxiety before you even have time to think about it.

And in some ways, that’s true.

The brain learns through repetition.

The more often certain pathways are used, the more familiar and efficient they become.

That’s true for helpful habits.

And it’s also true for anxious patterns.

But here’s the encouraging part:

Patterns learned through repetition can also begin changing through repetition.

Usually not all at once.
Usually not perfectly.
But gradually.

Many people assume that breaking the anxiety cycle means:

• never feeling anxious again

• eliminating difficult thoughts

• or always staying calm

But most of the time, progress looks much smaller and more realistic than that.

Often, it looks like:

• noticing the spiral sooner

• pausing before reacting

• grounding before escalating

• tolerating uncertainty a little longer

• or responding to yourself with less fear and criticism

Those moments may seem small.

But small shifts repeated consistently can begin changing the pattern over time.

One of the most important things to remember is this:

Anxiety often demands immediate action.

It says:
“Fix this now.”
“Figure this out now.”
“Get certainty now.”

But sometimes healing begins when we pause long enough to realize:

👉 I do not have to obey every anxious thought immediately.

That pause creates space.

And space creates choice.

Skill of the Week: Pause Before the Usual Response

Try this once this week.

When you notice anxiety pulling you toward a familiar reaction, pause for just a few seconds before doing the thing you normally do automatically.

Maybe that means pausing before:

• checking again

• asking for reassurance

• replaying the conversation

• googling symptoms

• or trying to mentally “solve” the feeling

Then simply ask yourself:

“What happens if I wait for a moment before responding to this anxiety?”

You are not ignoring yourself.

You are practicing creating space between the feeling and the reaction.

Even a small pause matters.

Because every time you practice responding differently, you are teaching your brain something new:

👉 “I can experience anxiety without immediately feeding the cycle.”

That learning takes time.

But change often begins in moments smaller than we expect.

As this series wraps up, I hope one thing stands out clearly:

Anxiety does not mean you are weak, broken, or failing.

Often, it means your mind and body are working very hard to protect you—even if the strategy has become exhausting.

And change usually begins not with perfection, but with awareness, patience, and practice.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Normally these newsletters follow a longer series format, but I wanted to send out a brief special edition heading into Memorial Day weekend.

For many people, holidays are complicated.

Sometimes they bring connection, rest, family, and meaningful traditions.

Sometimes they bring stress, grief, loneliness, reminders of loss, difficult family dynamics, pressure, or changes in routine.

And for people navigating mental health or recovery challenges, weekends like this can sometimes feel heavier than expected.

If that’s true for you, you’re not alone.

Holidays Affect People Differently

One of the difficult things about holidays is that there can sometimes be an expectation that we’re “supposed” to feel a certain way.

But emotional experiences are rarely that simple.

You may feel:

• grateful and sad at the same time

• connected and overwhelmed at the same time

• rested in one moment and anxious in the next

All of those experiences can coexist.

For some people, long weekends create too much unstructured time.

For others, gatherings with family or friends can feel emotionally exhausting.

For others, holidays highlight the absence of someone important.

And sometimes, especially in recovery, holidays can reconnect people with old patterns, memories, environments, or urges they’ve worked hard to move away from.

That does not mean you’re failing.

It means you’re human.

Skill of the Weekend: Lower the Pressure

If this weekend feels emotionally heavy, try lowering the pressure you may be putting on yourself.

You do not have to:

• make everything perfect

• feel happy every moment

• attend every event

• explain every feeling

• or force yourself to “make the most” of every second

Instead, try asking yourself:

“What would help me feel grounded this weekend?”

Maybe that means:

• taking breaks when needed

• spending time with supportive people

• sticking to routines that help you feel steady

• going outside for a walk

• limiting overstimulation

• reaching out to someone safe

• or simply giving yourself permission to have a difficult moment without judging yourself for it

Sometimes emotional health looks less like “fixing” the feeling and more like responding to yourself with patience while the feeling passes.

And if you are in recovery, remember:

You do not have to navigate difficult moments alone.

Reach out if you need support.

Connection matters.

Whether this weekend feels joyful, difficult, quiet, busy, or somewhere in between, I hope you find at least a few moments to slow down and take care of yourself.

Be patient with yourself this weekend.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

So far in this series, we’ve talked about:

• why the mind loops

• how anxiety reinforces itself

• thought spirals

• and the role uncertainty plays in keeping anxiety going

This week, we’re shifting from the mind to the body.

Because anxiety isn’t just something we think.

Very often, it’s something we physically feel.

When Anxiety Shows Up in the Body

Imagine this.

Your heart starts racing.
Your stomach tightens.
Your chest feels heavy.
Your breathing changes.

Maybe your muscles tense up.
Maybe your hands shake.
Maybe you suddenly feel restless, nauseous, hot, cold, dizzy, or exhausted.

And then another thought appears:

“What’s wrong with me?”

For many people, one of the scariest parts of anxiety is how physical it feels.

But anxiety is not just a thought process.

It’s also a body response.

Your nervous system is designed to help protect you.

When the brain senses danger—whether it’s physical danger, emotional stress, conflict, uncertainty, or overwhelm—it activates the body to prepare for action.

Heart rate increases.
Breathing changes.
Muscles tighten.
Attention narrows.

This system can be incredibly helpful in situations where immediate action is needed.

The problem is that the nervous system does not always distinguish well between:

• a physical threat

• and a perceived emotional or psychological threat

That means the body can react strongly even when there is no immediate danger in front of you.

And once those physical sensations begin, something else often happens:

We start reacting to the sensations themselves.

For example:

“My chest feels tight.”
“What if something is seriously wrong?”
“Why can’t I calm down?”

That fear can create even more activation in the body.

And before long, the cycle feeds itself:

• physical symptoms increase anxiety

• anxiety increases physical symptoms

One important shift is recognizing this:

A physical sensation is not always an emergency.

Sometimes it is simply your nervous system trying to protect you.

That doesn’t make the sensations pleasant.

But understanding them differently can reduce some of the fear surrounding them.

Skill of the Week: Slow One Thing Down

Try this once this week when you notice anxiety showing up physically.

Instead of trying to calm your entire body all at once, pick one thing to slow down.

For example:

• slow your breathing slightly

• unclench your jaw

• relax your shoulders

• place both feet firmly on the ground

• loosen your hands

Then stay with that one adjustment for a few moments.

Notice what happens.

The goal is not to force yourself to “calm down.”

The goal is to send your nervous system a small signal of safety.

Sometimes people think they have to completely eliminate anxiety before they can function again.

But often, progress starts much smaller than that.

Sometimes it begins with:
👉 one slower breath
👉 one relaxed muscle
👉 one moment of grounding

Small signals matter.

Your nervous system notices them.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this series, we’re looking at anxiety and overthinking: why the mind loops, why thoughts can feel so convincing, and how to create space before getting pulled deeper into them.

Last time, we talked about the anxiety loop — how a thought can create anxiety, anxiety can lead to overthinking, and overthinking can keep the thought coming back.

This week, we’re looking at what happens when one thought quickly turns into many.

When One Thought Turns Into Ten

Imagine this.

You make a small mistake at work, in a conversation, or with someone you care about.

At first, the thought is simple:

“I probably could have handled that better.”

But then another thought joins in.

“What if they think I’m careless?”
“What if this becomes a bigger problem?”
“What if I always do this?”
“What if this says something about me?”

Before long, the original thought has turned into a whole chain of thoughts.

That’s a thought spiral.

A thought spiral happens when one thought leads to another, then another, then another — often moving further away from what actually happened and deeper into fear, self-criticism, or worst-case scenarios.

The difficult part is that thought spirals can feel productive.

It can seem like you’re preparing, problem-solving, or protecting yourself from being caught off guard.

But often, the spiral doesn’t lead to clarity.

It leads to more anxiety.

One helpful way to notice a spiral is to ask:

“Am I still thinking about what happened, or am I now thinking about everything this could mean?”

That difference matters.

There is a difference between reflecting and spiraling.

Reflecting tends to be specific, grounded, and useful.

Spiraling tends to be repetitive, broad, and fear-based.

Reflection says:

“What can I learn from this?”

Spiraling says:

“What if this means everything is falling apart?”

Learning to notice the difference can help you step out of the spiral sooner.

Skill of the Week: Name the Spiral

Try this once this week.

When you notice your thoughts multiplying, pause and ask:

1. What was the first thought?

2. What thoughts got added after that?

3. Am I reflecting, or am I spiraling?

Then gently say to yourself:

“This is a thought spiral.”

That phrase is not meant to shame you.

It is meant to help you notice the process.

Once you name the spiral, bring yourself back to the most concrete question:

“What actually happened?”

For example:

“I made a mistake in that conversation.”

That is concrete.

“They probably think I’m awful, and now everything is ruined.”

That is the spiral.

The goal is not to force yourself to stop thinking.

The goal is to return to what is real, specific, and workable.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

Quick note—I missed last week due to an electronic health record transition. I appreciate your patience, and I’m glad to be back with you.

Last time, we talked about why your mind doesn’t always slow down—and how your brain is often trying to help, even when it feels overwhelming.

This week, we’re going one step further.

If anxiety and overthinking feel like they keep coming back…
there’s usually a reason.

Why Anxiety Keeps Looping

Imagine this.

A thought shows up:

“What if I mess this up?”
“What if something goes wrong?”
“What if they’re upset with me?”

That thought creates a feeling—maybe anxiety, tension, or uneasiness.

Naturally, you want that feeling to go away.

So your brain starts trying to solve it.

It might:

• replay the situation

• analyze what you said or did

• run through possible future scenarios

• try to “figure it out” so you can feel better

At first, this can feel productive.

Like you’re doing something about it.

But over time, something subtle happens:

The more you engage with the thought,
the more important your brain thinks it is.

And the more important it feels,
the more your brain brings it back.

That’s the loop.

It often looks like this:

Thought → Anxiety → Overthinking → Temporary relief → Thought returns

Even if you get a little relief from thinking it through, it usually doesn’t last.

Because the brain never actually got a clear signal that the problem is “resolved.”

So it tries again.

And again.

And again.

This isn’t a lack of discipline.
It’s not a personal failure.

It’s a pattern your brain has learned:

👉 “If something feels uncertain, keep thinking about it until it feels safe.”

The problem is… some things don’t get resolved by thinking.

And that’s where the loop gets stuck.

Skill of the Week: Step Out of the Loop

Try this once this week when you notice the cycle starting.

When a thought shows up and you feel yourself getting pulled into it, pause and ask:

“What am I doing right now—solving a real problem, or trying to feel better?”

That question matters.

Because if you’re:

• making a plan

• taking a clear action

• solving something concrete

that’s helpful thinking.

But if you’re:

• replaying

• analyzing

• running “what if” scenarios

you may be in the loop.

If you notice you’re in the loop, gently shift your attention.

You can:

• come back to your surroundings

• focus on your breath

• or use the grounding skill from last week

You don’t have to force the thought away.

You’re just choosing not to keep feeding it.

Over time, this helps your brain learn something new:

👉 “I don’t have to solve everything with more thinking.”

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this new series, we’re shifting our focus toward something many people experience in different ways: anxiety and overthinking.

If you’ve ever found yourself replaying conversations, worrying about what might happen next, or feeling like your mind just won’t “turn off,” you’re not alone.

This week, we’re starting with a simple but important question:

Why does this happen in the first place?

Why Your Mind Won’t Slow Down

Imagine this.

You’re lying in bed at night. The day is over. Things are quiet.

And suddenly, your mind gets louder.

It starts replaying something you said earlier.
Or thinking about something coming up tomorrow.
Or jumping ahead to something that hasn’t even happened yet.

Before long, you’re not just thinking—you’re stuck in it.

Most people experience this at some point.

And when it happens, it’s easy to assume something like:

“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just stop thinking about this?”

But here’s an important shift:

Your brain isn’t malfunctioning.
It’s trying to help.

The part of your brain responsible for anxiety is designed to:

• anticipate problems

• look for potential threats

• and help you prepare

In the right situations, this is useful.

If you’re about to give a presentation, a little anxiety can help you prepare.
If something feels off in a situation, that awareness can help you stay safe.

But the same system can become overactive.

Instead of helping you prepare, it starts trying to solve problems that:

• haven’t happened

• may never happen

• or aren’t actually solvable in that moment

That’s when thinking turns into overthinking.

And instead of feeling helpful, it starts to feel exhausting.

There’s another way to understand what’s happening here.

Your brain is an organ—just like your stomach.

You don’t have to tell your stomach to digest food.
It just does what it’s designed to do.

In a similar way, your brain produces thoughts automatically.
It scans for problems, replays situations, and tries to predict what might happen next.

You don’t have to tell it to do that.

That means something important:

Not every thought that shows up is something you chose.
And not every thought needs to be treated as true.

One of the most frustrating parts of overthinking is this:

The more you try to “shut it off,” the louder it can get.

That’s because your brain interprets the thought as something important—something that needs attention.

So it keeps bringing it back.

Understanding this doesn’t make the thoughts disappear immediately.

But it changes how you relate to them.

Instead of:
“I need to stop this.”

You begin to shift toward:
“My brain is trying to solve something right now.”

Or even:
“This is something my mind is generating.”

That small shift can reduce the intensity just enough to create some space.

Skill of the Week: Come Back to the Present

Try this once this week—especially when your mind feels stuck in a loop.

When you notice overthinking starting, pause and gently shift your attention back to what’s happening right now.

One way to do that is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can feel

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

But here’s the part that really makes a difference:

Take your time with each one—and describe it to yourself.

For example:

Instead of just saying, “I see a TV,” you might slow it down:

“I see a television. There’s a commercial on. It’s a red truck. It looks like a Chevrolet. There’s a logo in the corner.”

When you move to what you can feel:

“I can feel my breath. It’s warm. It’s a little uneven. I can feel my feet on the ground. The floor feels solid.”

Or what you can hear:

“I hear a voice in the background. It’s calm. Lower tone. There’s also a faint humming sound from something in the room.”

You’re not rushing through it—you’re staying with each experience for a few seconds.

The goal isn’t to do this perfectly.

It’s to gently pull your attention out of the loop your mind is stuck in and back into the present moment.

If your thoughts pull you away (and they will), just notice it and come back to what you’re focusing on.

You may not be able to control what your mind produces—
but you can influence where your attention goes.

Optional tip:
If this is something you struggle with regularly, it can help to carry something small like a piece of candy or a mint. That way, when you get to the “taste” part, you have something you can focus on and describe.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this series, we’ve been exploring ideas from The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz. Along the way, we’ve looked at how our language, interpretations, assumptions, and expectations shape how we feel and respond.

This final agreement brings all of those ideas together.

The Fifth Agreement: Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen

Imagine this moment.

A thought shows up quickly and automatically:

“I’m not good enough.”
“They’re upset with me.”
“This is going to go badly.”

It feels immediate. Convincing. Real.

And most of the time, we don’t question it—we react to it.

Throughout this series, we’ve been working toward one central idea:

Not every thought needs to be believed.

Being “skeptical” in this context doesn’t mean ignoring your thoughts or dismissing your experiences. It means learning to pause and ask:

“Is this thought accurate, or is it one possible interpretation?”

Your mind is constantly trying to make sense of the world. It fills in gaps, predicts outcomes, and draws conclusions—often very quickly. Sometimes those conclusions are helpful. Sometimes they’re not.

Learning to be skeptical creates a small but important space between the thought and your response.

But this agreement also includes something equally important: learn to listen.

Listening means paying attention to your thoughts without immediately reacting to them. It means being curious instead of judgmental.

Instead of:

“This thought is true.”

or

“This thought is wrong.”

You begin to shift toward:

“This is what my mind is telling me right now.”

That shift may seem small, but it can change how you relate to your thoughts entirely.

Skill of the Week: Pause and Examine the Thought

Try this once this week.

When you notice a strong thought or emotional reaction, pause and walk through this process:

1. What is the thought?

2. How strongly do I believe it right now?

3. What evidence supports it?

4. What evidence might not support it?

You don’t need to force a different conclusion.

The goal is simply to create space between the thought and your reaction.

Over time, that space allows for more flexible and intentional responses.

Bringing It All Together

Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored a few key ideas:

• Becoming more aware of the beliefs that shape our reactions

• Noticing the impact of our words—both with others and ourselves

• Recognizing how quickly we take things personally

• Slowing down assumptions

• Allowing our best to change from day to day

This final agreement ties those ideas together in a simple way:

Notice your thoughts.
Question them when needed.
And respond with intention rather than reaction.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes happen gradually—through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this series, we’re exploring ideas from The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz. These ideas focus on how our thoughts, interpretations, and communication patterns shape our emotional experiences.

So far, we’ve looked at how language, interpretation, and assumptions influence how we feel and respond.

This week shifts slightly—from how we think to how we show up.

Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best

Imagine this.

You have a day where everything feels manageable. You’re focused, productive, and able to handle things as they come. You get through your responsibilities and feel like you showed up well.

Then a few days later, something shifts.

You’re tired. Maybe you didn’t sleep well. Maybe stress is higher. Maybe anxiety or low mood is present. The same tasks now feel heavier. Your energy is lower. Your patience is shorter.

And a thought shows up:

“I should be doing better than this.”

Most people know this experience.

The idea of “doing your best” can easily get tangled up with perfectionism—the belief that we should perform at the same high level all the time.

But that’s not how people actually function.

Your best is not a fixed standard.
It changes.

On a day when you’re well-rested, clear-headed, and feeling steady, your best may look very different than it does on a day when you’re sick, stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained.

Think about it this way:

If you have a cold or the flu, your expectations naturally adjust. You may still function, but you recognize that your capacity is different.

The same is true for mental and emotional health.

There are natural ebbs and flows. Some days you have more energy, clarity, and resilience. Other days you don’t.

Doing your best means working with the capacity you actually have in that moment—not the capacity you think you should have.

It also means allowing for growth over time.

The decisions you made five years ago were made with the knowledge, experience, and resources you had at that time. The same is true for five days ago—or even five minutes ago.

As we learn and grow, our “best” evolves.

Looking back and judging past versions of yourself through today’s lens often creates unnecessary shame. A more helpful perspective is recognizing:

“That was my best with what I knew then.”

There’s one more layer to this.

Just as your best changes over time, the same is true for other people.

That doesn’t mean all behavior is acceptable or that boundaries aren’t important. But it can shift how we interpret others’ actions.

Sometimes people are responding from their own limitations, stress, or lack of awareness—just like we do at times.

Holding that perspective can create a little more space for understanding, even when something still needs to be addressed.

Skill of the Week: Adjust the Standard

Try this once this week.

When you notice yourself feeling frustrated with your own performance, pause and ask:

1. What is my actual capacity today?

2. Am I expecting today’s version of me to perform like I felt on a better day?

3. What would “doing my best” look like today, given what I’m working with?

You might find that your best today looks like:

• completing part of a task instead of all of it

• taking a break when needed

• asking for support

• or simply getting through the day

Doing your best doesn’t mean doing everything.
It means working honestly with what’s available.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

If you’d like to read previous issues of Between Sessions, you can find them here:
https://substack.com/@counselorjason2026

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I share a short reflection and one practical idea you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes don’t happen all at once—they happen gradually through small moments of awareness during everyday life.

In this series, we’re exploring ideas from The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz. These books explore how many of our emotional reactions are shaped by the internal “agreements” we’ve formed about ourselves, others, and the world.

Last time we looked at the first agreement, Be Impeccable With Your Word, focusing on the power of language in both our relationships and our inner dialogue.

This week we look at the second agreement.

Agreement #2: Don’t Take Things Personally

Imagine this situation.

You send someone a text message and don’t get a response for several hours.

Your mind may start filling in the blanks:

“Did I say something wrong?”
“Maybe they’re upset with me.”
“Maybe I annoyed them.”

By the time they finally respond with something simple like “Sorry—busy day”, you may have already spent hours feeling anxious or unsettled.

Most people have experienced some version of this moment.

When something feels personal, our minds naturally try to interpret what it means about us.

But often, the other person’s behavior has far more to do with what is happening in their world than anything we did.

People carry their own stress, distractions, moods, responsibilities, and struggles. Their reactions often reflect those things much more than they reflect us.

Taking things personally can sometimes lead us to assume meaning where there may not actually be any.

This agreement encourages us to pause before jumping to those conclusions.

It doesn’t mean ignoring feedback or pretending nothing matters. Instead, it’s about recognizing that our first interpretation isn’t always the most accurate one.

Learning to slow down that process can reduce unnecessary stress and help us respond more thoughtfully.

Skill of the Week: Check the Story

Try this once this week.

When you notice yourself feeling hurt, anxious, or defensive in response to someone’s behavior, pause and ask yourself:

1. What actually happened?

2. What story am I telling myself about it?

3. What are two other possible explanations?

For example:

“They didn’t respond to my message.”

Possible explanations might include:

• They’re busy
• They forgot to reply
• They’re having a difficult day

Simply creating space for alternative explanations can reduce emotional intensity and prevent misunderstandings.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

You can also find additional resources and ways to connect here:
https://linktr.ee/CounselorJason

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

If you’d prefer not to receive these weekly emails, just reply and let me know — I’m happy to remove you from the list at any time.

If you’re new to Between Sessions, welcome.

Each week I send a short reflection with one practical idea or skill you can try during the week between appointments. Often the most meaningful changes don’t happen all at once — they happen gradually in the small moments between sessions.

In this current series, we’re exploring ideas from The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz. These books explore how many of our emotional reactions are shaped by the internal “agreements” we’ve formed about ourselves, others, and the world.

This week we’ll look at the first agreement.

Agreement #1: Be Impeccable With Your Word

Imagine this moment.

You’re having a conversation with someone close to you — a partner, a friend, or a family member. The conversation starts normally, but tension begins to rise. Someone feels misunderstood. Voices get sharper. Before long, a sentence slips out that sounds something like:

“You never listen to me.”

Now the conversation isn’t really about the original issue anymore. It’s about the words that were just spoken.

Most people have experienced some version of this moment.

Words are powerful.

The language we use can shape relationships, influence how others experience us, and affect the emotional tone of conversations. A few careless words spoken in frustration can escalate conflict quickly, while thoughtful language can help people feel understood and respected.

Many relationship struggles — especially in couples or family dynamics — are less about the problem itself and more about how people speak to each other about the problem.

But the power of words doesn’t stop there.

The language we use with ourselves matters just as much.

Most people carry an internal dialogue throughout the day — a running commentary about how things are going, what went wrong, or what we should have done differently. Over time, those internal words can shape how we see ourselves.

If that internal dialogue becomes overly harsh or critical, it can increase feelings like anxiety, shame, or discouragement. Learning to speak to ourselves with honesty and respect can create space for growth rather than self-punishment.

Being “impeccable with your word” isn’t about speaking perfectly. It’s about becoming more intentional with the language we use — both with others and with ourselves.

Skill of the Week: Try an I-Statement

One practical way to be more intentional with language is to practice I-statements during difficult conversations.

Instead of focusing on what the other person did wrong, I-statements help communicate your experience more clearly and reduce defensiveness.

A simple structure looks like this:

“I feel ____ when ____ because ____.”

For example:

Instead of saying:
“You never listen to me.”

You might try:
“I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted because I’m trying to explain my perspective.”

This small shift can help conversations stay more constructive and focused on understanding rather than blame.

Try using an I-statement once this week during a conversation where emotions are starting to rise.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason

If this was helpful…
If you know someone who may benefit from therapy services, feel free to share my information. They can call or email me directly using the contact details below, or visit my provider profile here:
https://sagentbh.com/our-providers/jason-schaal

These emails are for general educational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy services.

I’m starting something new.

Each week, I’ll send a short reflection with one practical idea or skill you can use between appointments. Therapy doesn’t only happen in the session itself. Often, the real shifts take place in the quiet moments during the week — in conversations, in reactions, in the thoughts that show up when no one else is around.

Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore ideas from The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz (and Don Jose Ruiz). While these books are often described as philosophical, the themes connect closely to what we work on in counseling: how our beliefs shape our emotions, our reactions, and our relationships.

We’ll approach these ideas in a practical, psychological way.

At the center of this framework is a simple concept: many of us are living by internal “agreements” we didn’t consciously choose.

Some of them sound like:

• “I shouldn’t disappoint people.”

• “If someone is upset, it must be because of me.”

• “I have to get this right.”

• “If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.”

Over time, these internal rules begin to feel like facts. But often, they are interpretations formed through past experiences — family dynamics, school environments, relationships, moments that left an impression.

When we slow down enough to notice the rule underneath our reaction, something important happens: we gain choice.

This first week is simply about awareness.

No fixing. No forcing change. Just noticing.

Skill of the Week: Notice the Rule

When you feel a strong emotional reaction this week — anxiety, frustration, guilt, irritation — pause and gently ask:

1. What happened?

2. What did I tell myself about it?

3. What rule might be underneath that thought?

For example:

“They didn’t respond to my message.”
→ “They’re upset with me.”
→ Possible underlying rule: “If someone pulls away, I’ve done something wrong.”

You don’t have to challenge the rule yet. Just name it.

Awareness creates space. And space often leads to healthier responses.

Be patient with yourself this week.
Awareness is progress.

Until next time,
Counselor Jason